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Choose Your Response: Unlocking Your Freedom and Power as a Parent

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” —Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

I. The Space That Changes Everything



Every dad has been there.


Your kid is whining for the third time this morning. You’re running late. The eggs are burning. You haven’t had your coffee. And suddenly—snap.


You raise your voice. Or walk away. Or say something you don’t quite mean.


It’s automatic. Instant. A well-worn groove.


But what if that exact moment—the millisecond between your child’s behavior and your reaction—is the most powerful part of your day?


At the heart of the Intentional Dad Project is this truth:


You always have a choice. And that choice—even if it’s just a breath—is the beginning of everything good.

That truth comes from one of the most meaningful quotes I’ve ever encountered:


“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” —Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

This isn’t just a motivational idea. It’s a call to action.


For dads. For families. For anyone who wants to parent from purpose instead of programming.


Because in that space between what happens to you and what you choose to do next—you reclaim your power.


II. Understanding the Stimulus–Response Gap


A. What Is the “Gap” and Why Does It Matter?


Let’s break it down practically.


Your child refuses to brush their teeth. That’s the stimulus.

You feel irritation. Your jaw tightens. Your tone sharpens. That’s the response.


But in between—however briefly—there’s a space.


It might only be a split second. But in that moment, you have a choice.


You can go with your knee-jerk reaction, shaped by stress or old habits.

Or you can pause, take a breath, and choose a response that aligns with the kind of dad you actually want to be.


That space is where intentional parenting lives.


It’s not about always getting it right. It’s about recognizing that you can get it different.


As Frankl taught, this “space” is where your freedom lives. Your freedom to break generational cycles. Your freedom to stay present in the chaos. Your freedom to teach your child—by example—that feelings are valid but don’t need to control us.



B. Why We Default to Habitual Reactions


The human brain loves shortcuts. They save energy.

Think about how you drive home from work without remembering the turns—or how you tie your shoes without thinking.


That’s your brain using habit loops to conserve decision-making power.


It’s a gift… until it’s not.


Because those same loops kick in during parenting. When your child pushes a button that triggers an old emotional script—anger, shame, helplessness—you may find yourself reacting without intention.


And often, you’re not reacting to your child’s behavior. You’re reacting to what it reminds you of—how you were treated, how you felt small, scared, ignored, or out of control.


Which is why the pause is so important.

It disrupts the automatic.

It reclaims your role as the author—not the echo—of your parenting story.


III. The Freedom to Choose: A Legacy Rooted in Awareness



A. Viktor Frankl’s Life as the Ultimate Example


Viktor Frankl didn’t just write about the power of choice—he lived it under the most brutal conditions imaginable.


In Man’s Search for Meaning, Frankl shares how, as a Holocaust survivor, he was stripped of everything: his family, his home, his dignity, even the manuscript of his life’s work that had been sewn into the lining of his coat. He lost his pregnant wife. His parents. His freedom.


And yet—he chose joy.


He chose kindness.


He chose to serve the prisoners around him, even while enduring starvation and forced labor.


Why?


Because he discovered this profound truth:


“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”

That truth is the foundation of intentional parenting.


No one can take away your ability to choose how you respond to your child. Not your exhaustion. Not your past. Not your circumstances. Not your own parents’ mistakes. You are the one holding the steering wheel.



B. Applying the Principle to Everyday Parenting


Of course, your life isn’t a concentration camp. But the principle still holds.

Stressful moments are your testing grounds.


  • When your child refuses to get dressed…

  • When your toddler flings food across the room…

  • When your teen dismisses your advice…


In those moments, you can choose:


  • To see the situation as a threat or an opportunity.

  • To default to old patterns, or to model calm strength.

  • To yell, shut down—or pause, connect, and redirect.


Frankl’s story isn’t meant to make you feel guilty for snapping at your kids—it’s meant to remind you that you’re never without options.


Even on the hardest days, even when you don’t have the answers, you can still choose how you show up.


And that decision, repeated over time, becomes your legacy.


IV. Breaking the Cycle: From Reactive to Intentional


A. Why Generational Patterns Are So Hard to Break


Many of us are parenting with old software.


We inherited scripts—spoken and unspoken—from our childhoods:


  • “Because I said so.”

  • “Toughen up.”

  • “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”


Even if we swore we’d parent differently, those patterns run deep. Especially when we’re tired, triggered, or under pressure.


In earlier Intentional Dad Project blog posts on growth mindset, we talked about how labeling ourselves or our kids (“I’m just not patient,” “they’re just bad at listening”) limits growth. Those fixed beliefs reinforce fixed behaviors.



But what if instead of labeling, we noticed?


What if instead of reacting, we reflected?


That’s what intentional parenting is: choosing not to repeat what didn’t serve you, and giving your child—and yourself—a better starting point.


It takes awareness, effort, and compassion for the little kid inside you who never got that pause from your own caregivers.



B. Choosing Differently: Real-Life Examples


Let’s make it real:


  • Your toddler throws a tantrum at the grocery store.

    Instead of yelling, you squat down, take a breath, and validate: “You’re frustrated. I get it.” You still hold the boundary, but you lead with connection.


  • Your teenager rolls their eyes and storms off.

    Instead of slamming a door in return, you wait. You cool down. You circle back later with a calm, open-ended question: “Want to talk about what just happened?”


  • Your child lies to avoid getting in trouble.

    Instead of reacting with harsh punishment, you pause. You explore the fear beneath the lie. You explain why honesty matters—and model it yourself.


Each of these examples begins with a pause and ends with a better connection.


This is what it means to parent with intention: not perfection, not control—presence.


Every time you choose differently, you’re not just improving that moment—you’re changing the script your child will carry into their own parenting one day.


V. The Role of Habits and the Science of Change


A. Habits Save Energy—But Not Always in a Good Way


Here’s a truth your brain won’t tell you: it loves autopilot.


Neuroscience shows that once something becomes a habit, your brain files it away to save energy for other decisions. That’s why you don’t have to think about how to tie your shoes, shift gears in your car, or respond to a crying baby.


But here’s the catch: your brain doesn’t care if the habit is helpful or harmful.


  • Snapping when you’re overwhelmed?

  • Shaming to gain quick compliance?

  • Avoiding conflict by emotionally checking out?


All of those can become ingrained patterns—familiar, efficient, and quietly damaging.


So when parenting feels reactive, it’s not always a “you” problem.

It’s a wiring problem.


But the good news is: wiring can be reworked.


B. Training Yourself to Pause (and the Power of Micro-Decisions)


You don’t need to become a monk to break the cycle.


BJ Fogg, in his book Tiny Habits, teaches that real behavior change doesn’t start with willpower—it starts small. It starts tiny.


  • One breath before speaking.

  • One phrase you repeat to yourself in hard moments (“This is hard. I can handle hard things.”)

  • One decision to walk away for 30 seconds before returning with calm.


In Love 2.0, Barbara Fredrickson emphasizes the importance of “micro-moments of connection.” These aren’t grand gestures—they’re fleeting moments of attunement, warmth, and presence. Over time, they build trust, security, and emotional resilience in relationships.


The same applies to fatherhood.


Every micro-decision to pause, breathe, and connect strengthens your child’s nervous system—and your own. It rewires your default settings, not just for parenting, but for life.


When you build this into a regular practice, the pause stops being effort. It becomes instinct.


And that instinct? It’s rooted in who you’re becoming—not just what you’re doing.


VI. When You Don’t Know the Right Answer, Still Show Up


Let’s be honest—there are days when parenting feels like walking into a test you didn’t study for.


You don’t know the right consequence.

You’re unsure if your kid is acting out or crying for connection.

You feel like you’re failing because your go-to strategies just…aren’t working.


But here’s the truth most dads need to hear:


You don’t have to have the perfect answer to make a meaningful impact. You just have to show up.

Even when you’re unsure.

Even when you’re overwhelmed.

Even when your voice cracks or your patience runs thin.


In fact, some of the most powerful moments you’ll ever share with your child will come after a mistake—when you return to the moment with humility and presence.


You can say:


  • “I overreacted. I’m sorry.”

  • “I don’t know exactly how to handle this, but I’m here.”

  • “Let’s figure this out together.”


This isn’t weakness. It’s leadership.


Your willingness to stay in the moment, even without the perfect script, teaches your child what real love looks like: steady, imperfect, present, and human.


As Viktor Frankl wrote, even in suffering, meaning can be found.


As a dad, that means even in uncertainty—especially in uncertainty—your presence is enough.


VII. Becoming the Kind of Father Your Child Will Model


Kids rarely listen to what we say the first time.

But they are always watching what we do.


They are watching how you handle stress.

How you respond to setbacks.

How you treat the people closest to you—especially when things don’t go your way.


So when you choose to pause instead of explode…

When you take a deep breath instead of issuing a threat…

When you repair after rupture instead of pretending nothing happened…


Your child notices.


And over time, those little moments of modeling shape who they believe they can become.


In Love 2.0, Barbara Fredrickson describes how connection doesn’t come from grand gestures, but from small, repeated signals of safety, presence, and engagement. This is what you’re building every time you choose to respond with intention rather than react from habit.



You’re giving your child more than a childhood.

You’re giving them a model of adulthood.


A dad who doesn’t run from hard emotions.

A dad who takes responsibility for his choices.

A dad who leads with love—not control.


This is the kind of father they will remember.

And one day, perhaps, become.


VIII. The Intentional Dad Is a Man Who Chooses


At the end of the day, being an intentional dad isn’t about being calm all the time.


It’s not about knowing every parenting technique or having the perfect morning routine.

It’s about one thing:


Choosing.


  • Choosing to pause when it’s easier to react.

  • Choosing to connect when your instinct is to control.

  • Choosing presence over perfection.


And the beauty is—you don’t have to wait until you’ve read every book or healed every childhood wound.


You can start right now.


The next time your child tests your patience…

The next time your day gets derailed…

The next time you feel pulled toward the same old response…


Remember: there is a space.
In that space is your power.
In your power is your freedom.
And in your freedom lies your legacy.

That’s the heartbeat of the Intentional Dad Project.

And it’s why this community exists—to help you keep choosing, one moment at a time.


Final Call to Action


If this resonates with you—even just a little—here’s your next intentional step:


Join The Intentional Dad Edge

Our free weekly newsletter is packed with quick tools, honest stories, and practical mindset shifts to help you show up with purpose, not pressure.


Because the legacy you’re building isn’t just for your kids.

It’s for you, too.

 
 
 

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