Not Every Parenting Decision Is a One-Way Door: A Smarter Framework for Intentional Dads

“The dose makes the poison.” —Paracelsus

That quote might seem more suited to toxicology than parenting, but it’s surprisingly relevant to the way many modern dads—especially those who want to get things “right”—approach fatherhood.

We don’t suffer from a lack of information. We suffer from decision fatigue, over-management, and an unspoken fear of making the wrong move. The result? A constant sense of falling short—despite doing more than ever.

But what if the problem isn’t how much we’re doing, but how we’re making decisions in the first place?

Let’s explore a rarely discussed—but powerful—framework to help intentional dads lead more wisely and stress less: the difference between Type 1 and Type 2 decisions, popularized by Jeff Bezos, and the time-liberating principles from Oliver Burkeman’s Four Thousand Weeks.

How Decision-Making Gets Distorted in Fatherhood

In a shareholder letter, Jeff Bezos introduced the idea that there are two fundamentally different types of decisions:

• Type 1 Decisions are irreversible. They’re one-way doors. If you walk through and don’t like what you see on the other side, you can’t go back. These decisions must be made slowly, methodically, and often with consultation.

• Type 2 Decisions are reversible. They’re two-way streets. You can test them, tweak them, reverse them. They can (and should) be made quickly, especially by those with sound judgment.

Bezos warned that in growing organizations, the two types of decisions often get confused. Type 2 decisions are approached with the slowness and caution of Type 1 decisions. The result? Paralysis, inefficiency, and lost potential.

Sound familiar?

As intentional dads, we often overcomplicate everyday parenting choices, treating low-risk, high-feedback opportunities as if they’re legacy-defining moments. We bring Type 1 intensity to Type 2 realities—and the result is unnecessary anxiety and diminished joy.

Every Decision Doesn’t Deserve a Boardroom Strategy

Do these sound familiar?

• “Should we move bedtime back by 20 minutes?”

• “Should I let him quit piano lessons?”

• “Is this the right preschool, or will this ruin his chances at a good college?”

• “Do we limit sugar, or allow a treat and risk him becoming a junk food addict?”

Many of these are Type 2 decisions: reversible, low-stakes, and rich with learning potential. And yet, we agonize as if they are permanent.

And while it’s easy to mock that perfectionism from afar, the truth is—it comes from a good place. We want to do right by our kids. But as Oliver Burkeman wisely points out in Four Thousand Weeks:

“The more you try to manage your time with the goal of achieving a feeling of total control or completion, the more time slips through your fingers.”

The very act of trying to “get everything right” makes us less present, less joyful, and less available. It narrows our margin for spontaneity—the fertile ground where memories are made.

Why This Matters: You Only Get 4,000 Weeks

Burkeman’s entire book is a wake-up call for over-optimizers. The average life span, he reminds us, is just 4,000 weeks. And our obsession with productivity—whether in business, wellness, or parenting—is often just a subtle avoidance of reality:

“The limit on your time is not a temporary obstacle to be overcome. It’s the defining feature of your situation.”

Dads who treat every parenting moment like a puzzle to be solved will eventually burn out—emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Even worse, they may miss the fleeting windows of connection and growth that were there all along.

Here’s where Bezos and Burkeman align:

• Bezos says: “Don’t use Type 1 energy on Type 2 decisions.”

• Burkeman says: “You can’t control it all—so choose wisely, and live fully.”

A Smarter Decision-Making Framework for Intentional Dads

When you feel yourself getting tense, overanalyzing a parenting choice, run it through this 3-step decision filter:

✅ Step 1: What kind of decision is this?

• Type 1 (One-way door): Rare. Think family relocation, how you talk about faith or grief, major behavioral interventions. These deserve slowness and depth.

• Type 2 (Two-way street): Most decisions. Test them. Learn from them. Adjust them.

✅ Step 2: What am I really afraid of?

Often, it’s not the decision—it’s our identity at stake.

“I don’t want to be a bad dad.”

“What if they resent me later?”

Burkeman reminds us: you won’t eliminate regret. But you can live in a way that’s honest and aligned. That’s enough.

✅ Step 3: What would a 10% lighter version of me do?

Imagine yourself 10% less anxious, 10% less perfectionistic. What would that version of you say yes to? What would he release?

Sometimes the difference between “good enough” and “perfect” is where life actually begins.

What This Looks Like in Real Life

Parenting Scenario	Type of Decision	Recommended Approach
Moving to a new school district	Type 1	Slow, deliberate, consult partner, research
Letting your child quit karate	Type 2	Try it, talk through it, reassess next month
Choosing a bedtime	Type 2	Set a time, observe impact, adjust if needed
Talking about death or illness	Type 1	Thoughtful, heart-led, supported by resources
Screen time on vacation	Type 2	Try it, get feedback from experience

Closing Thought: You’re Not the CEO of Their Childhood

There’s no quarterly report on your parenting.

There’s no investor call demanding perfection.

There’s just this moment. And the next.

If you stop treating parenting like a series of high-stakes tests, you’ll rediscover what it actually is: an ongoing conversation between two growing people. A journey. A workshop. A two-way street.

“To treat time as something to hoard and control is to miss the gift of it entirely.” —Oliver Burkeman

Your kids don’t need you to be flawless. They need you to be present, discerning, and willing to experiment. That’s what real wisdom looks like.

Want to Take This Further?

Try this 5-minute reflection exercise tonight:

• Write down three recent parenting decisions you stressed over.

• Ask: Were they Type 1 or Type 2?

• What would change if you trusted yourself to experiment more?

Or if you’re ready to deepen your clarity as a father, join our Intentional Dad Edge newsletter for simple frameworks, honest insights, and practical tools to help you lead with confidence—without burning out.