Why Mindset Matters More Than You Think - Growth Mindset Series Part 1 of 3 -

Kyle Eastman
Jun 1
7 min read

Most dads don’t lack love, effort, or good intentions. What many struggle with—often silently—is believing they can actually grow into the kind of dad they want to be. The common thought is, “Some guys just have that natural fatherly instinct… I’m not one of them.” But what if that belief is actually the biggest thing holding you back?

When it comes to becoming a more confident, patient, and engaged father, the key isn’t found in the perfect parenting hack or another book—it’s in your mindset. Specifically, whether you believe your abilities as a dad are fixed… or whether they can grow.

In this article, we’ll break down the concept of a growth mindset, explore how it shows up in everyday dad life, and offer practical tools to help you stop holding yourself back. Because the truth is, being a great dad isn’t about getting it right every time—it’s about showing up, learning, and growing along the way.

What Is a Growth Mindset (and Why Should Dads Care)?

The idea of a growth mindset comes from the work of psychologist Carol Dweck at Stanford University. Her research uncovered a simple but powerful truth: the way we think about our own abilities—whether we believe they’re fixed or changeable—has a massive impact on our behavior, motivation, and long-term development.

For dads, this mindset can shape everything from how you respond to parenting challenges to how confident you feel in your role at home.

A. Fixed Mindset: “That’s Just the Kind of Person I Am”

A fixed mindset operates under the belief that your abilities, personality, and intelligence are mostly set in stone.

If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking things like:

“I’m just not a patient person.”
“I was never good with kids.”
“I’ll never be as fun/playful/creative as other dads.”

…you’re likely experiencing a fixed mindset in action.

This mindset makes parenting feel like a pass/fail test. Mistakes are seen as proof that you’re not cut out for the role. Trying something new feels risky because if you don’t do it well, it reflects poorly on who you are. It’s often rooted in identity: “I’m just not that kind of dad.”

And when your identity feels on the line, you’re more likely to avoid discomfort, challenges, or change altogether.

B. Growth Mindset: “I’m Not There Yet”

A growth mindset, on the other hand, sees skills and qualities as learnable through effort, repetition, and reflection. It’s not about being naturally good at everything—it’s about believing you can get better with time and practice.

A dad with a growth mindset might say:

“I’ve never done this before… but I’m figuring it out.”
“I wasn’t very patient today, but I’m learning how to stay calmer next time.”
“I didn’t grow up with a good role model, so I’m building the kind of dad I want to be.”

This mindset opens the door to trying, failing, learning, and trying again—without it threatening your identity. It creates space for growth without shame.

A fixed mindset keeps you stuck in the story of who you’ve been. A growth mindset helps you rewrite the story of who you’re becoming.

II. How a Fixed Mindset Shows Up in Everyday Dad Life

Growth mindset is a powerful concept—but it doesn’t just exist in theory. It plays out in the everyday moments of fatherhood, often in subtle ways. Without even realizing it, many dads operate with a fixed mindset in how they see themselves, especially in areas where they feel insecure or underprepared.

Let’s look at two common places where this shows up.

A. Comparing Yourself to Other Dads

Every dad has done it—scanned the playground or Instagram and thought, “He’s such a natural with his kids. I could never be like that.” Whether it’s how another dad plays, disciplines, communicates, or even dresses, comparison is a fast track to fixed mindset thinking.

These comparisons often lead to quiet conclusions that sound like:

“He’s just wired differently than me.”
“I didn’t grow up with a dad like that, so I don’t know how to be one.”
“I’m just not the ‘fun’ parent.”

Instead of seeing another dad’s strengths as something to learn from, the fixed mindset interprets them as proof of your own limitations. The result? You stay stuck in the belief that you were never meant to show up that way.

B. Avoiding New Parenting Challenges

Fixed mindset shows up anytime you back away from a parenting moment because you’re afraid to fail, look awkward, or feel incompetent.

Maybe you’ve avoided:

Trying to soothe your child during a meltdown
Taking the lead during bedtime
Playing in a way that feels silly or unfamiliar
Having hard conversations with your child or your partner

The narrative in your head might sound like: “I’m not good at this. I’ll just mess it up. Better to let my partner handle it.”

But that instinct to retreat or defer isn’t just about convenience—it’s often about identity protection. If you believe that messing up means you’re not a good dad, it’s safer not to try at all.

The danger of a fixed mindset isn’t just missed opportunities—it’s the slow erosion of belief in your own capacity to grow. But that doesn’t have to be the end of the story.

III. How to Cultivate a Growth Mindset as a Dad

Shifting from a fixed to a growth mindset doesn’t require a dramatic overnight change. It happens in small, intentional decisions—especially in how you respond to frustration, self-doubt, and imperfect moments with your kids.

Here are three ways you can start building a growth mindset in your daily life as a father.

A. Catch and Challenge the Fixed Belief

The first step is awareness. Start by noticing the moments where you think or say something that sounds final, like:

“I just don’t have the patience for this.”
“I’m not good at calming him down.”
“She doesn’t connect with me the way she does with her mom.”

These thoughts aren’t neutral—they reinforce the belief that you can’t change. But the truth is, they’re not facts. They’re habits of thought.

When you hear one, pause and add a simple phrase: “…yet.”

“I’m not good at calming him down… yet.”
“I don’t know how to connect with her during tantrums… yet.”

That tiny shift opens the door to learning and growth. You stop labeling yourself and start coaching yourself.

B. Shift from Outcome Goals to Process Goals

A fixed mindset is often obsessed with results: Did my kid listen? Did I say the right thing? Did they smile when I played with them?

But growth comes from valuing the process, not just the outcome.

Instead of saying:

“I’ll play with her if she wants me to.”
Try:
“I’ll spend five minutes playing with her today no matter what, just to show up.”

Instead of:

“If he doesn’t calm down, I failed again.”
Try:
“I stayed calm and kept trying. That’s a win, no matter the result.”

Process goals keep you focused on what you can control—your effort, your presence, your intention. And over time, those efforts stack up.

C. Praise Your Effort, Not Just the Result (and Celebrate It Like It Matters)

One of the most overlooked tools in building a growth mindset—and in changing behavior—is celebration.

According to BJ Fogg, behavior scientist and author of Tiny Habits, celebrating small wins immediately after you complete them is one of the most powerful ways to form lasting habits. Why? Because it creates a positive emotional association with the new behavior. It wires your brain to want to do it again.

This matters deeply for dads learning to show up in new ways—especially when the effort feels awkward, unfamiliar, or emotionally vulnerable.

Here’s how to apply it:

After you attempt a new bedtime routine, give yourself a small fist pump or say “I showed up.”
If you play for 2 minutes with your toddler—even if they ignore you—smile and say “That’s me being the kind of dad I want to be.”
When you stay calm during a tough moment, pause and say, “That took real effort. I’m proud of that.”

It may sound cheesy at first, but this kind of intentional self-recognition builds momentum. As Fogg puts it, “Emotions create habits—not repetition.”

If you only measure success by perfect outcomes (e.g., a calm child, a joyful connection), you’ll constantly feel like you’re falling short. But when you celebrate effort—especially small effort—you reinforce the identity of someone who keeps showing up. And that identity fuels long-term growth.

In other words: praise the reps, not just the results.

IV. Small Wins That Compound Over Time

When it comes to fatherhood, most meaningful growth doesn’t happen through grand gestures or major milestones. It happens through small, consistent actions that build over time—especially when done with intention and belief that you’re capable of improvement.

A growth mindset helps you stay in the game long enough for those small wins to stack up and turn into real transformation.

A. Practice Reps Build Confidence

Just like learning a new skill in sports or work, parenting confidence is earned through reps. The first few may feel awkward. You might overthink, mess up, or feel like nothing’s changing. But each time you show up, you’re building muscle memory—for connection, for patience, for play.

That two-minute play session? It matters.

Trying (and failing) to de-escalate a tantrum? Still counts.

Choosing to reflect instead of shame yourself? That’s growth.

A growth mindset lets you see these moments not as isolated events, but as part of a larger pattern of becoming.

B. Your Kids Notice Your Effort

Even when your effort feels small or imperfect, your kids experience it. They may not say it, but they feel the difference when you try. And over time, your consistent presence—even in clumsy attempts—becomes part of their emotional landscape.

You become the dad who kept showing up.

The dad who learned.

The dad who didn’t give up when it was hard.

That’s a legacy worth building—not by perfection, but by process.

A mindset of growth reminds you that each small action isn’t just a moment—it’s a deposit. Over time, those deposits compound. And before you know it, you’re not just trying to be a more intentional dad—you are one.

Conclusion: Growth Isn’t Just About You—It’s What You Pass On

Adopting a growth mindset as a dad isn’t about achieving perfection. It’s about building the willingness to show up, to try, to reflect, and to grow—even when the outcome is messy or slow.

And this mindset isn’t just about your own development. It lays the groundwork for everything else.

Because how you see yourself affects how you see your kids.

And how you see your kids affects how they see themselves.

In Part 2, we’ll explore how your beliefs about your child’s personality, behavior, and abilities—often spoken without a second thought—can become self-fulfilling prophecies. We’ll show how shifting from labels to potential allows your children to grow into who they’re meant to be, not just who they’ve been told they are.

Then in Part 3, we’ll bring the growth mindset into your relationship. You’ll learn how fixed roles and unspoken assumptions about your partner can quietly erode connection—and how extending belief, curiosity, and flexibility can transform your co-parenting into a true partnership.

Your mindset is the emotional climate of your home. When it’s one of belief, not limitation, you give your entire family permission to grow.

And that may be the most intentional thing you ever pass down.